Stuck

I am stuck this morning, and can't proceed on with my day. Thought maybe I'd try talking it out.

First of all, I'm waiting. 
Yesterday morning J called and gave me a head's up that roofer was finishing up a job and going to have breakfast, then would be over to pick up the check for the first half payment of our roofing job.
The roofer showed up soon after that, like too soon to have stopped for breakfast, and picked up the check, saying he was going to buy the (supplies) and would be back to start in the morning.

I've been up since 7:00 am, and it's now 11:30 am, and no roofer.

I'm not even sure why I'm waiting so hard. It's not like they need me to come outside and help...or direct, lol.

Anyway, it seems, when I'm waiting, I can't do anything else but wait.

I tell myself how ridiculous that is, and to get up from here and do something....
....Like make that phone call.

Sigh.
I can't.
I'm too nervous.

I tell myself that's ridiculous, too. What's the worst that can happen, she tells me "No, thanks, stay out of my business"?
Maybe, just maybe, she'd be glad to hear from me, and I'd wish I had reached out sooner.

So I tell myself, "Just freakin do it! It's not going to kill you!"

But my body disagrees with that proclaim.
When I seriously go to start for the phone, my heart starts pounding, my armpits sweat, I can't breathe.

Anyway, better not try to call now because I'm waiting. The roofers might show up.