Thursday, September 13, 2012

The Dresser Re-do

Remember the dresser I found for $7.99 at a Thrift Store a couple of months ago?

It looked great and was in great condition, all except for this water damage on top.

We sanded it all down, primered with Zinsser primer, and then I had to debate awhile on what color to paint it.

I already had a gallon of dark brown paint I had bought to paint the trim in the livingroom so I just used that.

Oops, I should have dusted it before taking the pic! But as you can see, the water damage is fixed.

I did end up taking some things out of our bedroom and putting it in here. Strangely, once we got it in here, it shrank in size by like half.  I'm thinking there was almost more room in the chiffarobe. (Which is now in the livingroom, sitting in front of the french doors to the diningroom.) Sigh.

Friday, September 07, 2012

Home Sweet Home

Even though I wasn't born or raised here, I've always felt like I was coming home whenever I visited my Dad's home place. 
I guess it could be the deep roots the family has planted here. I can look out the front (back) windows and see both the spot where my Great-Great Grandparents house was, and my Great-Grandparents house that is still there.

I would say maybe it's just that deep down, I'm a farm girl at heart. But whenever I say that, my City-girl psyche pees herself laughing at me.

I do have such wonderful memories of the summers I spent with my Great-Grands on their farm, though. Straight out of Little House on the Prarie stuff; milking the cow, feeding the chickens, gathering eggs, hoeing the garden, digging potatoes, snapping beans and shucking corn on the big wrap-around porch, canning in the kitchen, fishing in the pond, slopping the hogs, and so on.

After my Great-Grands passed away, and after my Grannie's husband retired, they built a house here on some of the land she inherited from her parents, I think. I need to write it down because I keep forgetting which is what. She also inherited some land from her Grandparents and/or Aunt. I believe it was her Aunt, who'd inherited from her parents (Grannie's Grandparents, my Great-Great Grandparents.) (Confusing!)

Anyway, she built it facing (back) towards her parents old farm place (which was inherited by her younger sister), her older brothers place, and her other inherited property. Not to mention a lot of cousins and other relatives. At one time, everyone in this area was family.

The big mountain with the two humps is known as Eagle Mountain. 
It's hard to see, but right above my great-uncle's old barn on the right side of the picture you can just see the porch roof and one dormer window of my Great-Grands old house.

When it would come thunderstorms at night, I would cry because I thought it was really boulders rolling off Eagle Mountain and they were going to smash the house.

If you look down from the top of the right-side hump, or wing, there's a "hill"...I've also forgotten it's name, but Grannie always called it "Bob's Mountain". My dad is Bob, he owns that hill up to where the Chattahoochee National Forest starts, plus the square of pasture behind those two houses in the pic. 
A road divides the property now, but some 50+ years ago the old road ran through the middle of the pasture, and that land my Dad owns was a whole parcel that was originally a part of (my Great-Great Grandparent's).

Other than the square that my Dad owns, the rest of the pasture and the barn used to belong to my Grannie's brother, my Great-Uncle. His old house is hidden in the stand of trees beside the barn.
When he died, he left his whole spread to a cousin, who ended up selling/losing all but the house and about an acre, if that much.
So, all that I'm overlooking - except my Dad's part - now belongs to strangers :(

I really would have preferred my part of the inheritance to be the property, but my sister didn't want Grannie's house, and I wasn't going to fight about it.
Anyway, I don't have much to complain about. It's a nice house.

I/we call this the front view, but in actuality, per the house plans, it's the rear of the house. The front door is on past the carport in the below picture. I don't reckon anyone has ever gone to the front door for admittance.  Mostly they go to the carport door, which is most accessible, or at least, the "back door" on the "back porch", which everyone thinks is the front.

This is coming up the driveway to the south side of the house. (Or right side, in the first picture.)
Dad built the little garage-barn. The side under the Coke sign is an auto-shop, then to the left of it he added on a wood-working shop. To the left of that (not pictured) is a camper garage.

There's another garage-shed on the yard, I can't describe where from here, lol.
Where he keeps his mower and tractor and who knows what other mechanical gadgets that I'll never be able to learn to ride/drive on my own.

Down beside it is his fruit orchard, which I have got to learn to take care of.
I just barely know how to vegetable garden after 4 or 5 years of trying...I know less than nothing about fruit farming.
There's Peach, Plum, Cherry, Apple, Apricot, and Pear trees, Blueberries, Blackberries, and Muscadines and Grapes. I think that's all.
Except bears. Yes, real bears. Apparently bears like pears, lol.

This was my view of Bell Mountain when I was standing in the Orchard this evening. The sun kind of washed everything out, but it was a lovely view with the mountain, the old farm house, and the horse in the pasture.

Except that horse nearly scared the peep out of me earlier in the day.
Earlier I was out exploring around in the Orchard, and I was scared of running across a snake. I picked up some limbs/sticks and was carrying them to the brush pile, when one of the horses, which was up closer to the house then, started walking.  I knew the horses were there, but I was concentrating so hard on seeing a snake, when I heard the horse moving I thought something was after me!

Way back when my Great-Uncle owned the pasture out front and Grannie owned this land, she actually owned some of the pasture, but they didn't see the need to fence her part off, when my Great-Uncle could use it for his cows, and at one time, growing hay.

But now that the cousin sold it all off to strangers, Dad recently went and fenced his/our part off, so I would know what was mine, and also giving him/us two little pastures to do something with if he/we wanted to.

I wonder if I could put a hog pen and raise a pig or two in this one? They're pretty nasty, I know, but I loooove bacon. And ham. And bacon, and pork roast, and bacon, and pork chops, and did I say bacon?

I could see a little red barn with a milk cow and some chickens in this one.
(And barn cats, because I'm terrified of snakes, and snakes looove chicken eggs.)

Old Mel-iss-a had a farm, ee-yi-ee-yi-ohh!

Here I Go

You know when you first find out your husband is "talking" to another woman behind your back, you feel a lot of anger and hatred. Like your love and marriage was murdered, never to be revived.

But being married and loving someone for 23 years is a hard habit to break.
Or well, at least it is for the one of us that actually loved the other, rather than just our own self.

When I say he's self-absorbed, I don't think anyone can truly understand how extremely self-centered he really is.  Even I still have a hard time comprehending it, and I've lived with it a long dang time.

Apparently, he feels like he's the one being wronged here. That he didn't do anything wrong? Or that maybe he did, but since he had been going to let me read the messages, and that (he claims) he wasn't hiding anything, then I have no right being mad about it.

Even though I said, and really felt like at the time, that my marriage was over, 23 years is hard to just wave off.  For me, at least.

Apparently it's of no consequence to him. Que sera, sera, bitch. 

Oh, I'm sure if I apologized and made nice, he'd forgive me and we'd go on as usual.
Or, well, maybe not at this point.

This is what's confusing me. I can't figure out what's going on.
I do know for certain he's an affection leech. He needs someone to care about him. More than one someones apparently. But at least some one.

So I really feel like for him to be able to blow our marriage off so easily, he must have another affection source to suck the life out of waiting in the wings.

But if so, who?
He said he de-friended the Other Woman the night I caught him chatting with her and hasn't talked to her since. From what I can tell periodically checking his FB messages, texts, and our cell phone bill, this is true.
He has a new email address at the ambulance service I can't get in to, but I can't imagine them only limiting their cyber-romance to email and nothing else.
(They could possibly talking/texting by cellphone, if she's using a different number than she put in her message.)

Otherwise, his boss at the ambulance service whom he has a big crush on is, I believe, happily married, and to a better man. I think she's got enough sense to realize J would be a terrible choice to leave her husband for.
I could be wrong, though. But the FB messages and texts I read between them were mostly innocuous.

None of the other FB messages I read with other females were in any way alarming, either. Just friendly.

So then I'm thinking, okay, there's not another woman, he just feels like he's the one being wronged, because in his mind, he hasn't done anything for me to be so mad about.

Still trying to find out what's going on, yesterday I try to go in to his FB account to find out he'd signed out and the password was different from what it used to be.
Why would he do that?
Later yesterday evening I tried again, and he'd left it signed in, but had deleted all his messages.

Well, all the messages that weren't in the Archive. That's the reason I don't think he knows there is an Archive.

Anyway, I've already read the messages that were there, why delete them now, unless there was something new, that I hadn't seen yet, that needed deleting?

This whole thing has me a complete mess. Half the time I don't care if he is seeing someone else behind my back - good riddance. The rest of the time I'm suspicious and sneaking around looking for evidence and hurt and upset that he's not even trying to fix this mess that he caused.

Half the time I'm listing off the reasons that I'm glad to be rid of him - he never was much of a prize anyhow - but then the rest of the time I'm pissed off because I invested a lot of years in him and us, and this should have been our time. The best time of our lives. I had a lot of plans for us, eventually retiring to the mountains and Florida to spend our olden years.

I was such a mess yesterday, when I saw on the calendar he's not working and will be home tomorrow and Saturday, I decided I couldn't deal with it. I have to get out of here.

I packed a big load, several rubbermaid tubs of things like my Photos, Scrapbook things, kids' memory stuff that I'd planned to eventually start relocating to my parents place in the mountains anyway. My parents spend most of their time in Florida now, and the place in the mountains is part of my eventual inheritance, so me and J had always planned on moving on up there as soon as feasible. The plan had been for him to retire early at about 55 years old, which is only like 9 years away.

Now I'm starting the move up there early, and without him.
I'm afraid it's going to dawn on him what he's screwed up and done. He threw away a lot more than just me.
Then the begging and crying will start, and I'll never be able to believe it wasn't only for selfish reasons.

Because it's common knowledge he's done with working now. He's ready to retire now, and spend every day hunting and fishing. He loves the mountains and it's always been his dream to be able to live up there full time.

Dream on, asshole. 

Yes, as a matter of fact, he has always been that stupid.  It didn't matter at first, he had me to help him, and I knew every.freaking.thing.
Along the way I learned that I didn't know anything. But he never learned that about himself. He still thinks he's intelligent and knows what he's doing and makes good choices - they just always turn out wrong for some reason that is someone or something else's fault.

I am really lucky to be getting shed of him. Really lucky.
I just don't know why, even knowing that, it still hurts my feelings.